HEY CVS

What the shit is your problem?  Why can't you do your job?

Why is it every time I go into your store, there are 14 available registers, but only one person scheduled to man them?

And what the hell is the point of having a self-checkout station or two (the greatest inventions of all time), yet they are never, ever in service.  Seriously, I've been to your store maybe 30 times in the last few years and they've never been open.  What the fuck?

Good thing you got this installed, assholes

There's nothing I love more than walking into a CVS with the intent of purchasing one item, carrying this belief that this time, maybe, I'll be in and out in less than one hour.  After all, I just need some TUMS!  That's pretty quick, right?

Not at CVS.  Nothing is quick in that time suck.  You might as well purchase one of their $15 lawn chairs and park it in line cause you ain't going nowhere.

CVS Customers in 1932

A rational person might visit another store, right?  Well, guess what?  Rite Aid and Walgreens sure as hell doesn't have it any better, do they?  You think customer checkout efficiency and service might be a major competitive point in stealing some customers away from your opponents, but apparently all pharmacies have given this up so they can continue the battle for most ridiculous queue.

Feels a little like this, doesn't it?

Give me three weeks, CVS.  That's all I ask.  Put me in charge of your entire store layout and customer service department and I will solve your goddamn problem in three weeks.  You know how?  By using my brain!  How about that!

Until then, rot in hell CVS.